But… what if we get it right the second time around? Or, how do we give ourselves grace if we seemingly don’t?
I’ve been thinking a lot about second chances and the weight they carry. The fear of making the wrong choice is followed by a gut reaction to seize the moment—my very own concoction of trying to control fate with a sugary dose of anxiety.
When a situation in your life that once didn't fit suddenly finds its way back for a rerun, it’s so hard not to put an immense amount of pressure to write a better outcome. But instead of materializing choices as now-or-never decisions, what if we flipped the narrative and considered that the universe is inevitably rigged in our favor no matter what? What if being wrong in the moment is just an illusion of what could be right all along? If we just allow ourselves more time to see the bigger picture, maybe then we can relinquish all the fear that comes with uncertainty.
If I could just shift my perspective, then I would actually see that chances are boundless. Maybe the winner really does take it all when they’re willing to lose it all in the making.
After all, happy accidents fall onto our laps when we least expect them.
It’s a reignited friendship after loss. A second chance foster dog. A one-year reunion marked by heartbreak. A second date at a bar called Full Circle. It’s how my shoes broke at the seams on my way to meeting a shoe designer who bid me adieu with a pair of shiny new boots and heartfelt wisdom that led me back home.
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Earlier this year, I was invited to a birthday party that I knew my ex and his girlfriend would be attending. The thought of sharing four walls with them intimidated me, but not as much as the amount of love I have for my friend who I so dearly wanted to show up for. As I entered the room, the silhouette of my ex and his girlfriend linked arm-in-arm was in my direct line of vision. At first, the initial impact of seeing them was like being bulldozed by all my deepest insecurities. But a mere few moments later, I wound up meeting someone at the party who I later came to learn was looking for their own second chance too. His glass of red wine and my cosmopolitan were all it took for the universe to remind me that we all want the same thing. And by coming face-to-face with what I lost, I was introduced to what could be found.
In fact, the next day I was invited to another birthday party that was themed after the Year of the Dragon. An evening dedicated to inner strength and new beginnings—an irony almost too good to be true. Coincidence or not, it was as if confronting the ghosts of my yesteryear made room for an inspired new community that I could have never dreamt would be on the other side waiting for me.
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Last summer, I was invited to a wedding that admittedly I’m not so sure I would have gotten an invite to if it weren’t for a recent loss that reconnected me with an old friend. Regardless, with no hesitation I RSVP’d yes and booked the flight. When the time came, there I was in the Canadian countryside wearing a satin yellow dress my friends pre-approved. Surrounded by white roses, eucalyptus, and dressed-up strangers, I found myself celebrating love in the midst of accepting all that I’ve lost. Before the ceremony started, a (conveniently cute and tall) man sat next to me and suddenly, I was on what felt like a whirlwind date. Two bubbly personalities met by chance. We danced under the moonlight, jokingly idealized our perfect honeymoon, and laughed the whole way through from dusk to dawn. On my way back to the airport the next morning, I was so sure that would be the last of him, but we’ve kept in touch ever since and he’s given me such immense support despite all the odds and lengthy mileage that separates us.
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Now, the ultimate opportunity I had lost and thought I could never get back: Being let go of my dream job.
I once so viciously held onto that role like a badge of honor. I convinced myself that its glamorous title validated all the other pieces of me that felt less than. But being removed from something I so deeply attached myself to was maybe the only way I could have considered a new reality that has now left me unrecognizable.
The loss of my self-proclaimed dream job further propelled me to what became my very own eat, pray, love trip. I traveled to the Philippines to spend a month with my mother’s side of the family whom I hadn’t seen in 17 years. From the second I landed, all the questions I spent years wondering about were suddenly at arms reach. We bonded over the gutting loss of my mother and celebrated all the parts of her that will never leave us. Their familiar mannerisms, anecdotes, and inside jokes were exchanged with my laugh that was uncanny to hers. Like putting together the most beautiful puzzle, our reunion was the missing piece to bringing her back to life.
Loss met its match once again. At the end of the trip, I was offered a new job opportunity with a higher rate and a pet rescue notified me that I had been selected to foster a dog. Just like that, I outgrew my past and my present’s price went up.
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If the people and opportunities in our lives are a comically fated game of musical chairs, time and time again, I’ve been reminded of what can be found when the music stops.
So RSVP yes to the party. Face your demons and say hello to someone new. Book the flight and buy the dress. Foster the dog and be OK to let go of what isn’t meant to serve you.
Finding our way is an opportunity that will never run its course. Every first chance lends itself to a second, and a second is never the last of it. What is lost will be found tenfold, and until then, buzz to the unknown rhythm of it all.
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